The Jelvins
by ben
Sieg Howdy! - Jello Biafra & The Melvins (2005, Alternative Tentacles) -- 9/10
It's good. This album very well could be my second favorite album of 2005.
It has amazing music, great lyrics, an Alice Cooper cover and an updated version of "California Uber Alles" -- as sung by Awhnowld Swartshenjagher as played by Biafra. As an added bonus it features three tracks from last year's Jelvins release remixed by Al Jurgenson.
I highly suggest everyone investigate this album. If nothing else, at least take a listen to "Those Dumb Punk Kids (Will Buy Anything)" -- a deep cut into those old school punk band reunion tours out to make a buck off of unsuspecting kids stabbing at a thinly veiled image of what they believe "punk" is instead of enjoying the here and the now, leaving behind misunderstood concepts of inviduality operated under the total scam of rehashing past emotions into a social status displayed in nixed band logos (Ok, so maybe that is just how I feel, but I think the Jelvins touch on some of that, too). The song also looks towards one band in particular (Hmmm, I wonder who it could be).
Anyway, if your one of those "I hate Biafra" types, go fuck yourself because this album isn't just The Melvins featuring Jello. It's honest. Fuck, it's an actual band, er, at least they sound like one and not some generic "concept" band or some stupid shit.
12/28/2005
Kickin' Ass
by ben
Death Metal Is for Pussies - The Kickass (2003, Bifocal Media) -- 7/10
Now close your eyes and imagine...Wait. Read this and then close your eyes.
Alright now, picture yourself walking down a cold, dark alley with an uneven brick street. Steam is pumping out of a pipe, fogging your vision. The street is wet with vomit, urine and the acid rain drizzle that the media seems to pretend doesn't exist anymore. You hear a ruckus down the alley. You're worried that someone might be in trouble, but you know deep down in your sick, perverted cholestrol-clogged heart that you just want to see something fucked up. You walk slowly towards it. Use caution, don't go sprinting into danger for fuck's sake.
Your jaw drops like the class slut's panties in a bad 70s porno when your faced with a martini, three double shots of Old Grandad, a 12 pack of Beast Ice and two unusually large hits of acid in the form of sugarcubes in a fist fight. Now quickly look to your left and you'll see Les Claypool, Dave Lombardo and Miles Davis violently beating each other with their respective instruments. Then, once you think you've seen just about all you're willing to witness, the hard plastic flap to a dumpster on your right pops open and -- get this shit -- Peter Griffin, a chicken (you know the one Peter is always battling it out with) and Philo Beddoe (remember Clint Eastwood's character from "Every Which Way But Loose") come flying out in a cartoonish ball of blood, feathers and good old fashioned man-on-man violence.
Now carry that on for 10 tracks, and spice it up with great song titles like "So...You Want to Have a Led Zeppelin Riff Battle Huh? Let's Do It" and "Otherwise Your Just Another Retail Salesman."
12/28/2005
Palindromes
by Ben
Palindromes (2004, Wellspring; Directed by Todd Solondz) -- 8/10
"When one goes to the movies normally one is asked to identify with an attractive protagonist who says and does the right thing, perhaps even behaves heroically, so that in the end, having made this identification, one feels better about oneself. There is almost a narcissistic high. When one goes to one of my movies, however, the characters are all flawed, and it is precisely those flaws that I find to be revelatory. If one is looking for a narcissistic experience, therefore, one will be very disappointed by my movies." -- Todd Solondz
There is nothing like a film about pedophiles, 13-year-old girls forced into having aboritions and pre-pubescent teens dumpster diving for aborted feti (is that the plural of fetus?) in baggies. Seriously, that is the complete sentence and not the prepository clause that you thought it was. There really IS nothing like a film about pedophiles, 13-year-old girls forced into having aboritions and pre-pubescent teens dumpster diving for aborted feti (amazingly I didn't find "feti" or any other plural of fetus in my style book) in baggies.
Watching a film by Solondz -- Welcome to The Dollhouse, Happiness, Storytelling -- is a lot like having food poisoning. Throughout the experience you're not sure if you should be shitting (crying, feeling uncomfortable) or vomitting (laughing). The humor is dark. A feeling of guilt overwhelmed me after I giggled at some parts in the film. How can I explain? Imagine a live action South Park. It's funny as a cartoon, but...well, nevermind.
It's hard to say much about this film, without delving into some sort of debate on any number of issues. Set in the same "universe" as 1995's Welcome to The Dollhouse, the film follows the adventures of a 13-year-old girl who wants to have a baby. When her liberal parents force her to have an abortion, she leaves home. Disturbing images of a fetus in a baggy, a child being fucked by an old man and a born again Christian taking the task of killing an OBGYN doctor peppers the film.
Oh, and to top it off, the main character, Aviva, is played by eight actors of different ages, races and sexes. Yes, a young boy plays the character at one point. Even Jennifer Jason Leigh takes on the role of the young Aviva. You remember her. Yeah, Jennifer Jason Leigh. I don't care if you're straight, gay, a man or a woman, we all masturbated to that one scene of her naked in Fast Times At Ridgemont High. Didn't you? Was that just me? Wait, "was", hell no, "still do."
At any rate, if you are hoping to see Dawn Weiner in this movie (as I sort of was) it ain't gonna happen. Solondz claims on his Web site that he begged Heather Matarazzo to reprise her role of the awkward young Jewish girl, but I think she has been making strong efforts to distance herself from that character to pursue more intellectual films like...um...uh...Sorority Boys.
However, Matthew Faber, who plays Mark Weiner, comes back to play an accused child molester and, apparently serves as the film's chorus man in much of the same way that a chorus in a Greek tragedy removes the veil for the audience (hells yeah, I took advanced English in high school...Goddamn, I'm a nerd).
If disturbing imagery and unconventional films bother you/bore you, then I suggest steering clear of this flick. On the other hand, if you are sensitive to issues of abortion, pedophilia or even Christian pop groups SEE this movie. Additionally, if you believe people have free will or if you think we are all predetermined, hopeless automatons this movie will either piss you off or reaffirm your beliefs.
12/14/2005
