EMAIL HIM

His Philosophy

show reviews
1. Immortal Lee County Killers, All Night, The Loners
Supersuckers Country Western Extravaganza, with Jessie Dayton

Yeah, Pete Townshend’s probably fucked. Although the man does have somewhat of a legit defense. That thing about researching for a book was more than just a bullshit excuse. He actually did write essays and was doing research about child abuse. But nobody gives a shit about that. “He went to a kiddie porn site! He should have his guts ripped out the anus with tweezers! They should put glowing hot quarters on his eyeballs and slice his lips off with a rusty razorblade!” The British tabloids had a field day of course, putting photos of Pete standing next to Gary Glitter on the cover. I’m sure there are plenty of “Uncle Ernie” jokes in the pages.

Fiddldldldldllle-aaa-bout. Fiddldldldldllle-aaa-bout. Fiddle about.

But regardless of all that legal nonsense, let’s take a look at Mr. Townshend’s line of work, the music industry. This is an industry that dresses 14-year-old girls in Catholic schoolgirl uniforms and slaps it on an album cover and puts it in every mall in America, marketing it simultaneously to little kids and their middle aged lecher fathers (Derf made this point in his latest ‘toon). Every time I look at the pedophilically titled “Baby One More Time” album cover I try to see if I can see Britney Spears’ muff. How old was she there? 15? 16? Jailbait my foot. That’s old enough in some states, like the state of my mind. A ha ha! Ha. Hm. *cough*

But this same industry will have nothing to do with Pete Townshend. They’ll shun him like Kerry King in a church on Sunday, like a hot dog vendor at an Earth Crisis show, like a heterosexual at a trucker’s convention. They’ll never give him another Grammy. Shit - they won’t even invite him to the Grammies. This is the guy that wrote Tommy at the age of 23, the brains behind the Who- all that fucking great music – the loud guitars, the rhythmic interplay with Moon, the white jumpsuit big nosed stage presence, the take-no-bullshit/give-no-bullshit interviews. The “Fuck off my fucking stage!” hit hippie Jerry Rubin with a guitar at Woodstock. And he’ll be remembered by this generation as an old pervert who couldn’t keep his sweaty hands off the kiddies.

Well, fuck him anyway, the old sellout bastard. Now I can’t listen to the Overture to Tommy without thinking of the fucking Propecia commercial. Why is the French horn of John Entwhistle necessary for the vending of pills that probably give you ass cancer? What is it with these ancient rich rock stars selling songs to commercials anyway? EVERYBODY’s selling out. Zeppelin: Been a long time since I was a legitimate music-ian, oooayyyy / It’s about time that I sold out to GM oooayyyy. Iggy and the Stooges: Lohhhhh! / I’m on the TV sellin' SUVs/ I’m on the TV now/ I’m on the TV sellin’ SUVs/ yeah. Bob Dylan (you know, the rebel folk singer who used to stick it to the Man), who doesn’t look a day over 150: I’m 150 and I need to pay off my heroin dealer for the times, they are a-changin’. CCR: It is me, it is me/ Rich as a senator’s son, yes/ It is me, it is me/ I am the fortunate one, yes…./When Wrangler asked me, ‘How much should we give?’ / Ooo the only answer mo’ mo’ mo’. I love how they put the star-spangled red, white, and blue flag-waving bullshit in there but they conveniently leave out the fact that John Fogerty was making fun of those people. It was an anti-war song. That’s one reason why I think the marketing agencies making these ads are doing it just to piss people like me off. As if “Blitzkrieg Bop” selling SUVs to dumb yuppies isn’t bad enough, they have to put polo in there, the game for filthy rich snobbish horsefucker elitists. “Holiday in Cambodia” was in a DOCKERS commercial for Christ sake – the most un-punk pants imaginable. Jello tried to sue the rest of the Dead Kennedys but I think he lost, so ya gotta give that nutty fuck some props.

But back to the subject. I’d never go on a kiddie porn site, that’s disgusting. You’re paying people to molest kids. So I guess what Pete did was Wrong, gee-whiz, and maybe a bobby should come to his mansion and shake a finger at him and scold him and send him to bed without supper. I don’t know if he should be thrown in jail. Jail should be for murderers and rapists and the people that take the pictures of the kids in the first place. Michael Jackson is the motherfucker that should be jailed.

But I don’t want to pick on Michael. He’s an easy target. Actually yes I do want to pick on him. Hey Michael, fuck you. You’re not Peter Pan and you’ll probably get cancer from all the plastic imbedded in your skull and die. Nobody in the whole world likes you. You scare children. Speaking of children, we know those aren’t your real kids. They have blond hair and blue eyes. Did you have your DNA surgically changed too? Why is all this Michael Jackson crap all over the TV all of a sudden? Won’t someone please push him toward a bonfire so he melts? Where the hell are Captain Hook and Mr. Smee when you need them? Ah fuck it. I get nightmares every time I think about him, so let’s move on.

To look on the bright side, maybe Uncle Petey will have to spend his fortune on lawyers, be rejected by the mainstream music industry thus being forced down to the club circuit for the rest of his life like Jerry Lee Lewis, and I’ll get to see him play for a $10 cover. But he’ll probably just sell more Who songs to companies that manufacture pills that make you fart blood and sneeze brain. Dick.