Movie Review: The School of Rock

Um….yeah. So. I went and saw this movie last night.

It was a great movie. I laughed. And, it was funny, despite being like formulaic or something. Yeah.

Jack Black is like a good actor and stuff. Yep. He’s funny...and...

...Alright let’s cut the bullshit. I think it’s obvious to everyone that Jack Black is trying to be me. Come on, Jack. It’s embarrassing. It’s bad enough that you’re already a hilarious fat dude with black hair but now you have to run around with an SG??? Come on! You had the Tenacious D thing going and the comedy and you had the chance to be the funniest lard ass since Chris Farley but you ruined it all by ripping me off!

It’s funny when a book or a movie seems to reflect your own life experience, but then there’s a point where it starts to get scary.

The movie starts with Jack Black playing in a band in some shitty club with an SG and a JCM 900 head with a 4 x 12 cabinet. My exact set up. Then he acts like a retard on stage and nobody in the audience responds to the awesomeness he’s trying to imitate. Typical night for me. In fact, we played in LA in the summer of 2002 which - - hey I’m not big Hollywood film dude - - but that’d probably be around the same time he was developing the character for this movie. Just saying.

Then they show him in his room. Instead of a normal bed he just sleeps on a mattress on the floor. I’ve been sleeping on a mattress on the floor for about 5 years now. How Jack Black found that out about me I’ll never know.

Then he goes to band practice and his band members call him an embarrassment. Again, Jack Black must have installed a microchip into my brain and recorded everything.

Also, I thought about getting my teachers’ certificate for a while. But again, that was like 4 years ago. Apparently this man has been following me around for quite some time.

To top it all off he teaches the kids all my influences – Zeppelin, AC/DC, Hendrix, The Who, Sabbath. And only later throws in the punk rock, like the Ramones and such. Exactly my musical path. And the first three videos he shows the kids in Rock History – the Who’s “Live at Leeds”, Hendrix from Monterey, and AC/DC’s “Let there Be Rock”. I am the proud owner of all of those videos.

You don’t believe me? Well listen to what Jack Black says about yours truly in an interview:

“This is the closest of any other roles I’ve played to actually being like me. There are some differences between me and Dewey rhymes with Sloovey. He loves rock even more than I do. I love rock a lot but he would never make fun of it like I do. I’ve made a career of making fun of it. He’s also struggling to make ends meet and I have a delicious pad in the hills. (Laughs)” - - from http://www.cinecon.com/news.php?id=0310021

Yeah real funny! A) Like you? You wish. B) First the guy rips me off then he has to make fun of how poor I am! Dick!

There’s no way I can continue doing the retarded fat guy stage act after this movie. People said to me, “Hey go see this movie. This guy is just like you.” And I said, “Yeah, whatever.” Then people told my girlfriend, “You’re boyfriend reminds me of Jack Black.” And she said, “Yeah, whatever.”

Joann to me last night: “He reminds me of you SOOO MUCH.”

HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR HOUSE IN THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS, JACK! YOU'RE WELCOME.

But you know what they say about imitation. Best form of flattery, things. Five stars. *****